Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Beliefs
(Page 4)
Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
Scott Adams
(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Beliefs
Opinion
Science is Truth. Don't be misled by fact.
Finagle's Creed
Beliefs
Facts
Honesty
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Truth
If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
Thomas Szasz
(1920 – ) Hungarian writer
Beliefs
God
Prayer
Schizophrenia
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Communication
Language
New Year's resolutions
The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.
Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery
Beliefs
Murphy’s Laws
Success
There is one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth — their lips move.
Felicity Kendall
(1946 – ) English actress
Characteristics
Government
Honesty
Politicians
Truth
Lips
A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all – he's walking on them.
Leonard L. Levinson
(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Beliefs
Characteristics
People
Optimists
Pessimists
Philosophers
I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Beliefs
Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.
Chuck Palahniuk
(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Education
Facts
Science/Weather
Game shows
The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinions.
Adlai E. Stevenson
(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Beliefs
Opinion
What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? … Asif.
Omid Djalili
(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs
Honesty
People
Places
Iran
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
Harry Truman
(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Beliefs
Children
Advice
1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.
Finagle's Laws of Information
Beliefs
Facts
Murphy’s Laws
Information
1. Any great truth can – and eventually will – be expressed as a cliche.2. Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
Short's Quotations
Communication
Facts
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Cliches
USA Today has come out with a new survey; apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
David Letterman
(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Facts
People
Science/Weather
Survey
The difference between reality and unreality is that reality has so little to recommend it.
Allan Sherman
(1924 – 1973) American comic
Beliefs
Truth
Reality
He’d steal flies from a blind spider.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Expressions
Honesty
A cheat
A thief
Liars get caught by the tale.
Luebbert's Law
Characteristics
Honesty
Lies
Murphy’s Laws
I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold ‘em under long enough.
‘Kinky’ Friedman
(1944 – ) American singer, songwriter, novelist, humorist, politician & columnist
Beliefs
Religion
Southern Baptists
A conservative doesn't want anything to happen for the first time; a liberal feels it should happen, but not now.
Mort Sahl
(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs
Government
Conservative
Liberal
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Proverb
Beliefs
Proverbs
Depth
Water
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