Subject: Beliefs » Religion

I hate myself, but being Jewish has nothing to do with it.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer

Going to war over religion, is basically just killing people in an argument over who has the better imaginary friend.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold ‘em under long enough.

(1944 – ) American singer, songwriter, novelist, humorist, politician & columnist

Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.

(1713 – 1784) French philosopher, art critic & writer

Don’t ya know it’s bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Just unfollowed the Pope for the second time in my life.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? … If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks; you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f**king cross?

(1961 – 1994) comedian

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it’s usually too late?

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

Monastery: Consecration camp.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Lutherans OK Pact With Episcopalians

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The difference between a saint and a hypocrite is that one lies for his religion, the other by it.

(1861 – 1950) American writer

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

(1563 – 1608) Italian Catholic priest

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

Church is only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.

(1881–1944) Archbishop of Canterbury

Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good – stop.’

American actor & comedian

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on Saturday and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on Saturday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

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