Subject: Beliefs » Religion

Megachurches – I can’t be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

I don’t know why it is that the religious never ascribe common sense to God.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

When you ever hear girls say that "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual," I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Born-Again Virgin

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I’m an Atheist… thank God.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian

Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist

Religion is basically guilt with different holidays.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor

Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

American actor & comedian

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

WTF, I thought I voted for a Muslim?!

Honor thy parents. That’s one of the Lord’s Top 10 Commandments. That’s right around covetin’ your neighbor’s cattles and wives and there.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director

Catholicism is the most adhesive religion in the world; if you joined the Taliban, you’d merely be regarded as a bad Catholic.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter

I pledge allegiance to the Christian flag, and to the Savior, for whose Kingdom it stands, one Savior, crucified, risen, and coming again, with life and liberty for all who believe.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

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