Subject: Characteristics

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Always try to be modest… and be VERY proud of it!

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

No matter how cynical you get, it’s impossible to keep up.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I love Barack Obama because when I go to Europe I don’t have to pretend to be Canadian any more.

(1967 – ) is an American comedian & actor

Only the paranoid survive.

(1936 – ) Hungarian-born American businessman, engineer & author

Some people think of the glass as half full; some people think of the glass as half empty; I think of the glass as too big.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Nothing is as dangerous as an unemployed lawyer.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

It only takes a room of Americans for the English and Australians to realize how much we have in common.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director

Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler – and less trouble.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Diplomacy: Lying in state.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator

He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Learn to be sincere, even if you have to fake it.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist