Subject: Characteristics

He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier

It is always the secure who are humble.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people.

(1948 – ) English novelist

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

I was born gay, but eight months of breast feeding wiped that right out.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host

Canada’s national bird is the grouse.

(1913 – 1987) Canadian journalist

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those we intend to commit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

(1930 – 2017) American journalist & author

I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful?… no, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.

(1926 – 1984) English comedian

The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

He's too lazy to scratch his own ass.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

A witness shall not bear falsies against thy neighbor.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal; he's always had an agent do that.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Actually, it only seems as though you mustn't be deceived by appearances.

A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president

I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive; I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

(1952 – ) comedian

He lies so bad he hires somebody to call his dogs.

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