Subject: Characteristics

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

Persistence is a great substitute for talent.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor

Gain a modest reputation for being unreliable and you will never be asked to do a thing.

(1941 – ) novelist

I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

There's so much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Flattery is like chewing gum… enjoy it but don't swallow it.

(1920 – 2001) cartoonist & creator of Dennis the Menace

We have in England a curious belief in first-rate people, meaning all the people we do not know; and this consoles us for the undeniable second-rateness of the people we do know.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Cleaning anything involves making something else dirty, but anything can get dirty without something else getting clean.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

With a black president, I can relax…I can dance in public… I can buy a whole watermelon now.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

A hypocrite is a person who – but who isn't?

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Always willing to lend a helping hand to the one above him.

(1896 – 1940) American author of novels & short stories

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

(1945 – 2010) American comedian & actor

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
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