Subject: Church Bulletins

Church Bulletins:

Unintentionally humorous announcements, passages, blurbs or headlines that have appeared in various church bulletins or printed publications.

If you need to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.

Members of the Senior’s Breakfast Club stretched and strained Thursday morning as John Doe, local physical therapist, demonstrated several exercises during the club meeting. There will be no meeting next week.

The Women’s Missionary Union will meet the first yesterday in January.

A cookbook is being compiled by the ladies of the church. Please submit your favorite recipe, along with a brief antidote.

Due to weather conditions, there will not be any “Women Worth Watching” this week.

After a study of the book of Philemon we will resume our study of the New Testament.

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

You're invited to join us as Tommy and Angela renew their vowels next Saturday.

Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

Internet Pornography Sessions Begin Wednesday.

The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.

Bilingual Chicken Dinner this Sunday at noon.

We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector.

Pastor says, ” Today’s sermon title is “The Seven Steps to Sex.”

The scholarship committee is accepting applications for church members attending a Baptist affiliated college this fall. Applications and guidelines are available in the vestibule. The Appalachians should be submitted by July 1st.

Don't forget that elections for Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess will be held at next month's business meeting.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

Hymn of Response:  Crown Him With Many Cows













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