Subject: Colemanballs


A term coined by British magazine “Private Eye,” to describe verbal gaffes, errors or misuse of words and phrases spoken by British football (soccer) announcers, coaches or players – initially BBC broadcaster David Coleman and the suffix -balls, as in “to balls up” or make a mistake.

If you’re a goalkeeper, it doesn’t matter what you save the ball with – if you keep it out, it’s not a goal.

English football player & announcer

If you had a linesman on each side of the pitch in both halves you’d have nearly four.

English-born Jamaican football player

It's headed away by John Clark, using his head.

British football commentator

We estimate, and this isn’t an estimation, that Greta Waitz is 80 seconds behind.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

I’d be surprised if all 22 players are on the field at the end of the game – one’s already been sent off.

English football player

He just can't believe what isn't happening to him.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.

And I suppose they [Spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than any other time since the first half of this Cup now than any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren’t ever in it anyway.

English television football commentator

Our strikers couldn’t score in a brothel.

Scottish football player & manager

The managerial vacancy at the club remains vacant.

English football player & analyst

In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale.

Socrates, so named because his father was interested in Greek mythology.

…and now the Northern Ireland Manager, Billy Bingham, will have to put his thinking boots on.

Korsten is making a meal of it… er… that’s clearly a penalty, yes.

English football player

You’re either very good or very bad, there’s no in between; we were in between.

English football player & sportscaster

The club has literally exploded.

English football player & television personality

£5.3 million is a large loaf to be throwing away before a ball's been kicked.

English football player

He’s got his legs back, of course, or his leg – he’s always had one but now he’s got two.

British football commentator

It was a good match, which could have gone either way and very nearly did.

Here's Brian Flynn. His official height is five feet five and he doesn't look much taller than that.

English soccer commentator

He had all the time in the world to kill a few seconds.

Australian football player
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