Subject: Communication

A simple story, however inaccurate or misleading, is preferred to a complicated explanation, however true.

A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

(1951 – 2013) American professor & artificial intelligence expert

I will be so brief I have already finished.

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter

His speeches left the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea.

(1863 – 1941) U.S. senator (California) & U.S. Secretary of the Treasury

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

I like to do all the talking myself; it saves time, and prevents arguments.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Authors with a mortgage never get writer’s block.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Wooing the press is an exercise roughly akin to picnicking with a tiger; you might enjoy the meal, but the tiger always eats last.

(1952 – ) American columnist & author

My theory [is] that modern science was largely conceived of as an answer to the servant problem and that it is generally practiced by those who lack a flair for conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

My sister has just married a Chinese billionaire… Cha Ching!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

A drawing is always dragged down to the level of its caption.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

A poem is no place for an idea.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers; we haven’t spoken since.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

I want to write a mystery novel… or do I?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer