Subject: Communication

The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.

He doesn't remember any silent days in motion pictures – the director always yelled.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

He writes dialogues by cutting monologues in two.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

(1882 – 1961) politician

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Ever notice that George Bush doesn't speak when Dick Cheney is drinking water?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

It may be the cock that crows, but it is the hen that lays the eggs.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician

She doesn’t need a steak knife… she cuts her food with her tongue.

(1925 – 2005) television host

It's high time the press finally got one thing right about me.

(1954 – ) American professional tennis player

I keep reading between the lies.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist

Poets are literal-minded men who will squeeze a word till it hurts.

(1892 – 1982) American writer

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?


This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar;’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Medical Insurance: What allows people to be ill at ease.

Why is the alphabet in that order?… is it because of that song?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.

There are two great rules of life: 1. Never tell everything at once.

(1931 – ) American golfer & broadcaster
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