Subject: Communication

I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that voice.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

America is a country of inventors, and the greatest of inventors are the newspaper men.

(1847 – 1922) Scottish scientist, inventor, engineer & innovator

Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Censorship: The power of the suppress.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Contempt: The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Ambidextrous: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

He was engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off.

I'm astounded by people who take 18 years to write something; that's how long it took that guy to write 'Madame Bovary,' and was that ever on the best-seller list?

(1946 – ) American actor

The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary.

web cartoonist (Sheldon)

No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic

I have made this (letter) longer, because I have not had the time to make it shorter.

(1623 – 1662) French mathematician & physicist

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

I always confuse the words exotic and erotic; that made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.

comic, actor, & writer

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic

It was hard to have a conversation with anyone; there were so many people talking.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
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