Subject: Communication

I was filling out a questionnaire that said, “Who would you most like to sleep with – anyone living or dead?” I said “Anyone living.”

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Join clauses good like a conjunction should.

Hector Torres, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately

Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both

Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Calling Durante's nose large is like calling Jack Benny "thrifty."

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to keep strings apart.

Like playing Beethoven on the kazoo.

(1938 – ) English academic, newspaper columnist & author

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

I'm not much of a storyteller… interesting how that all started…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

What's that up the road? … a head?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

(1948 – ) English novelist

You can say ‘Thanks,’ and you can say ‘Thanks a Million’ – but any number in between? … uhuh.

(1973 – ) American comedian

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