Subject: Communication

Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Autobiography is now as common as adultery and hardly less reprehensible.

(1924 – 2001) British writer

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice; for ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

We don’t want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.

Today’s public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can’t read them either.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

Like playing Beethoven on the kazoo.

(1938 – ) English academic, newspaper columnist & author

I wrote a few children's books… not on purpose.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

‘Pessimist’ is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is.

(1948 – ) English novelist

I don't speak Chinese, but I figure if I try, I've got to be saying something.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor, comedian, author & radio personality

A good review is considered nepotism; a bad one professional jealousy.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Greeting Cards: When you care enough to send the very best but not enough to actually write something.


A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
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