Subject: Communication » Language

I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Communication Language

I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said “you’re an asshole.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Dyselxics Have More Nuf.

Communication Health Language

About sentence fragments.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Language

Latin Course To Be Canceled – No Interest Among Students, et al.

Communication Headlines Language

I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

(1892 – 1965) English physicist
Communication Entertainment Language Music Understanding

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Entertainment Language

Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name… DJ Abraham Lincoln.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language

A writer mustn’t shift your point of view.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Journalists say a thing that they know isn’t true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
Communication Honesty Language Lies Truth

Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

Communication Definitions Language

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language

All phone calls are obscene.

American author
Communication Language

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

(1929 – 2005) British actor & comedian
Communication Entertainment Language

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Communication Food/Drink Language

This sign says “IMPROV,” but I had a bad set on Friday night, so yesterday they put an “E” on the end of it.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

The words “don't" and “isn’t” are contraptions.

Communication Language Malaprops

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication England Language Places