Subject: Communication » Language

I don't want to brag, but I do speak Pig Latin; I mean, I'm not fluent, but I'm sure if I ever went there, I could get by.

Canadian-American comedian & writer

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

(1973 – ) American comedian

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.


The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

Dentist: A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Our language is funny – a fat chance and slim chance are the same thing.

“Good morning” is a contradiction of terms.

(1945 –) American cartoonist (Garfield)

A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that's what they do half the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2; that's why 2 was created.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.

(1887 – 1964) British actor, writer & theater director

She was another of his near Mrs.

I don't speak Chinese, but I figure if I try, I've got to be saying something.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor, comedian, author & radio personality

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

(1882 – 1961) politician

Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

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