Subject: Communication » Language

My goal in life is to open up a nail salon in Vietnam, where all my workers speak nothing but English.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress

Craig Bellamy has literally been on fire.

Scottish football player & manager

Is "tired old cliche" one?


A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.

When dangling, don't use participles.

Loquacity: A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I read the greens in Spanish, but putt in English.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

I don't want to brag, but I do speak Pig Latin; I mean, I'm not fluent, but I'm sure if I ever went there, I could get by.

Canadian-American comedian & writer

The word 'spermicide' sounds like something sperms would do as a last resort; 'I'm not going out there anymore. I can't take it.'

stand-up comedian & actor

If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be living.

comedian

Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that's what they do half the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Join clauses good like a conjunction should.

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

(1767 – 1845) 7th U.S. president

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men, and I just want to say to the authors of that study "Duh."

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist













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