Subject: Communication » Language

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

1. Never use one word when a dozen will suffice.
2. If it can be understood, it's not finished yet.
3. Never be the first to do anything.

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Advice: the smallest current coin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Don't use a run-on sentence you got to punctuate it.

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

(1882 – 1961) politician

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

(1767 – 1845) 7th U.S. president

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English?… it means liar.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

(1928 - ) American pianist, writer, composer & music producer

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Calling Durante's nose large is like calling Jack Benny "thrifty."

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Carlyle said, “A lie cannot live;” it shows he did not know how to tell them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

A poet can survive anything but a misprint.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Loquacity: A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
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