Subject: Communication » Language (Page 2)

Murder is a crime – describing murder is not; sex is not a crime – describing sex is.

(1917 – 1999) American sexologist
Communication Conflict Crime Language Reading/Writing

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Language Science/Weather

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America Intelligence Language Military Places

Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped up into our language.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Beliefs Communication Eating God Language

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Language Past Time

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Beliefs Insults Language Opinion

Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Entertainment Language

My uncle was crushed by a piano; his funeral was very low key.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Death Language

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English?… it means liar.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Communication Language Science/Weather

Anyone can tell the truth, but only very few of us can make epigrams.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Characteristics Communication Language Reading/Writing Truth

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Language Speech

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Language

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead.

(1894 – 1962) American poet, painter, essayist, author & playwright
Communication Insults Language Reading/Writing

I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Time

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing