Subject: Communication » Language (Page 2)

So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2; that's why 2 was created.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?


What's right is what's left when everything is wrong.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Avant-garde? … That’s French for bullshit.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

My teacher used to say I wasn't very observant… to be honest, that was her opinion.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Definition: A statement intended to put a word in its place.

1. All's well that ends.
2. A penny saved is a penny.
3. Don't leave things unfinishe

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist

Martyr: One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Spanish? I thought they were just English words I didn't know.

(1971 – ) American actress

Just between you and I, case is important.

Omen: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

If something is 1.0, you don't need to say, 'point oh.'

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

(1904 – 1999) author, editor, radio host

[Punter] Bill Bradley kicks them so high and so short you can't run them back; you have to fair catch every one. Us coaches call that the punt of no return.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend… the reason we broke up is because I caught her lying – under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian