Subject: Communication » Language (Page 3)

My boss told me to get my butt in gear… I told him I was shiftless.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Communication Language Work

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Beliefs Communication Eating God Language

So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Time

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

The words “don't" and “isn’t” are contraptions.

Communication Language Malaprops

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.”

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language

I type a 101 words a minute… but it's in my own language.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is “cheval,” and everything else follows in the same way.

(1922 – 1990) American computer scientist
Communication Language

I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Women should be obscene and not heard.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Language Speech Women

I have been called too vague by you know who… but you know the old saying…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Studying literature at Harvard is like learning about women at the Mayo Clinic.

(1941) American writer & humorist
Communication Language Reading/Writing

Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Democracy Language Speech

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary.

web cartoonist (Sheldon)
Communication Language

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Communication Language Speech

I will not go down to posterity talking bad grammar.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Communication Language Last words

Outdo: To make an enemy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language