Subject: Communication (Page 3)

Let’s bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in a [Rupert] Murdoch newspaper.

(1932 – 1997) newspaper columnist

When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer.

(1902 – 1991) Polish Jewish American author

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director

Outdo: To make an enemy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing.

(1905 –1998) American author

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian

A dying man enjoys free speech.

(1431 – 1463) French rogue, vagabond, outlaw, bohemian & poet

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

1. When in charge ponder
2. When in trouble delegate
3. When in doubt mumble.

Another fine mess you've gotten me into.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered, but I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady

I had a paper route when I was a kid and I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses… or two dumpsters.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been 'It's round.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne

With the birth of a child you lose two novels.

(1955 – ) Scottish writer

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer