Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Communication
(Page 3)
Let’s bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.
Samuel Goldwyn
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication
Misspokements
Speech
No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in a [Rupert] Murdoch newspaper.
Mike Royko
(1932 – 1997) newspaper columnist
Communication
Insults
Reading/Writing
Newspapers
Rupert Murdoch
When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer.
Isaac Singer
(1902 – 1991) Polish Jewish American author
Communication
Lies
Occupations
Reading/Writing
Work
All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.
Denis Leary
(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Alcohol
Beer
Communication
Men
Sex
Speech
Outdo: To make an enemy.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Enemies
Outdo
Praise does wonders for our sense of hearing.
Arnold Glasow
(1905 –1998) American author
Beliefs
Communication
Opinion
Hearing
Praise
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals
Communication
Criticism
Skunks
I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Wordplay
Plagiarism
Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.
Maureen Lipman
(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Children
Communication
Family
Mothers
Telephone
A dying man enjoys free speech.
Francois Villon
(1431 – 1463) French rogue, vagabond, outlaw, bohemian & poet
Communication
Death
Speech
Free speech
Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Fat
Wordplay
Obesity
To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics
Communication
Definitions
Speech
Positive
1. When in charge ponder
2. When in trouble delegate
3. When in doubt mumble.
Boren's Laws for Bureaucrats
Murphy’s Laws
Speech
Bureaucracy
James Boren
Another fine mess you've gotten me into.
Stan Laurel
(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Communication
His signature line
Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Government
Language
Law
Congress
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered, but I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
Eleanor Roosevelt
(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady
Communication
Language
Rose
I had a paper route when I was a kid and I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses… or two dumpsters.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication
Work
Newspapers
Paper route
If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been 'It's round.
Eddie Izzard
(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Books
Communication
Bible
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”
Winnie the Pooh
fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne
Communication
Eating
Language
People
Speech
Difficult words
Lunch
With the birth of a child you lose two novels.
Candia McWilliam
(1955 – ) Scottish writer
Books
Children
Communication
Family
Reading/Writing
I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication
Language
Work
Pantomime
Page 3 of 86
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