Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Communication
(Page 5)
They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ about the dead unless it’s good; he’s dead… good!
Moms Mabley
(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Communication
Death
Speech
Having to read a footnote resembles having to go downstairs to answer the door while in the midst of making love.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Books
Communication
Reading/Writing
Sex
Footnotes
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman
Communication
Speech
Kiss
I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.
Robert Benchley
(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Books
Communication
Health
Reading/Writing
Hospitals
Patients
An editor is someone who separates the wheat from the chaff and then prints the chaff.
Adlai E. Stevenson
(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Communication
Definitions
Occupations
Editors
Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics
Communication
Honesty
Speech
Truth
Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Fights
Politics
Time
Cheating
Peace
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
Anatole France
(1844 – 1924) French novelist
Communication
Intelligence
Speech
Foolishness
If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
Samuel Goldwyn
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Beliefs
Communication
Misspokements
Opinion
Speech
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech; every now and then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante
(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor
Communication
Speech
Breathing
Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.
Tim Vine
(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Communication
Wordplay
My wife said: ‘I want an explanation and I want the truth.’ I said: ‘Make up your mind.’
Henny Youngman
(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication
Honesty
Marriage
Truth
Wives
Explanations
When people say “It’s always the last place you look;” of course it is… why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
Billy Connolly
(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Communication
Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs
Communication
Death
God
On his deathbed to a priest
Prayer
If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.
Mizner's Law of Research
Communication
Murphy’s Laws
Reading/Writing
Plagiarism
Research
You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication
TV/Movie Quotes
As Rufus T. Firefly in “Duck Soup”
Talking
I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.
Abe Lemons
(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Communication
Criticism
Mistletoe
It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs.
Dylan Moran
(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Communication
Places
Speech
Germany
On the German language
I've got the same nodes as Bing Crosby, but his are in tune.
Andy Devine
(1905 – 1977) American actor
Communication
Speech
When asked if he had strange nodes on his vocal cords to account for his distinctive raspy voice
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Whispered Rule
Beliefs
Communication
Murphy’s Laws
Whispering
Never read any book in which the author’s name appears in gold or silver on the cover.
Gove's Law of Gaudy Book Covers
Books
Communication
Murphy’s Laws
Reading/Writing
Author
Cover
Page 5 of 86
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