Subject: Communication (Page 5)

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

In school I wanted to join the debating team… but someone talked me out of it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Bill wrote a book at Yale; I read one.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

Arrivaducci, von boyage.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste; when I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Verbs has to agree with their subject.

Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

My one claim to originality among Irishmen is that I never made a speech.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist

I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Craig Bellamy has literally been on fire.

Scottish football player & manager

Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded.

(1946 – ) American stage & screen actress

Memos to Shitty People

One “Oh shit” can erase a thousand “Attaboys.”

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.

Nothing conduces to brevity like a caving in of the knees.

(1809 – 1894) physician, professor, lecturer & author