Subject: Communication » Speech

There are three golden rules for parliamentary speakers: “Stand up. Speak up. Shut up.”

(1855 – 1949) British politician

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The wise man has long ears and a short tongue.

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

There comes a time in every man’s life… and I’ve had many of them.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

Status quo, you know, that is Latin for the mess we’re in.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

When the Republicans read the Constitution on the House floor, that's the first time ever that Republicans read something that wasn't written by a lobbyist.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger

I speak with more passion on a full bladder.

(1912 – 1998) British politician

Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

If you can't answer a man's arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

We often think the way Gracie talks, but we pride ourselves that we never talk the way Gracie thinks.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

There are two great rules of life: 1. Never tell everything at once.

(1931 – ) American golfer & broadcaster

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