Subject: Communication » Wordplay

The penis mightier than the sword.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon… but it never really took off.

(1964 – ) English comedian

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

If these walls could talk, they'd probably say, "No! Not the nails again! Not the hammer!

Censorship: The power of the suppress.

Is ‘tired old cliche’ one?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I was a young lad living under a poker table with a chip on my shoulder.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

You know who really gives kids a bad name? … Posh and Becks.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?

Today’s subliminal thought is: …

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as ‘4’s’?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Sewing Circle: Where friendship hangs by a thread.

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The chickens have come home to roast.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

It's not very often you get to see the Lone Ranger and Toronto in the same night.

baseball manager

At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy; I loved that wheelchair.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.

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