Subject: Communication » Wordplay

I'm still an atheist, thank God.

(1900 – 1983) Spanish filmmaker

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Tears: Remorse code.

One arm butlers – they can take it but they can’t dish it out.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian

In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one.

A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.

(1892 – 1972) American comedian, dancer & composer

How is it possible to have a civil war?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

In America you can always find a party; in Russia the party always finds you.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

(1946 – ) American comedian

I have Bright's Disease… and he has mine.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter

Gentlemen prefer bonds.

(1855 – 1937) American lawyer, judge, banker & Secretary of Treasury

Holy deadlock.

(1890 – 1971) English humorist, novelist & playwright

Familiarity breeds attempt.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Never in the ring of human conflict have so few taken so much from so many.

American boxer

There’s nothing to fear but life itself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon… but it never really took off.

(1964 – ) English comedian
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