Subject: Communication » Wordplay

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

I believe in the right to arm bears.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial-a-lama.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together; it was riveting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I was filling out a questionnaire that said, “Who would you most like to sleep with – anyone living or dead?” I said “Anyone living.”

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers Society of, The?

(1929 – 2009) British novelist, newspaper columnist & television writer

The Houston Astros play in a vast indoor stadium known as the Astrodome, but the problem is they field a half-vast team.

American baseball player

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I was a young lad living under a poker table with a chip on my shoulder.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Beauty is only sin deep.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Harpist: A plucky musician.

Coffee: Break fluid.

Keir Dullea, gone tomorrow.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Farmer: A man who is outstanding in his field.

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