Subject: Communication » Wordplay

Theodore Dreiser should ought to write nicer.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past… one had a stroke, the other one couldn't reach.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner

The chickens have come home to roast.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

You know who really gives kids a bad name? … Posh and Becks.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

You can wait here in the sitting room, or you can sit here in the waiting room.

American comedy troupe

Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

A lot of people are very critical of modern reproductive processes without understanding all the ins and outs.

(1940 – ) English professor, medical doctor, scientist & politician

This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar;’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian

Obesity is really widespread.

I was a lighting technician, off and on.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

There’s nothing to fear but life itself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Paradox: Two physicians.

Harpist: A plucky musician.

I sink, therefore I swam.

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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