Subject: Communication » Wordplay

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian

At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy; I loved that wheelchair.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

It’s hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Also-ran: A British athlete.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer

I was filling out a questionnaire that said, “Who would you most like to sleep with – anyone living or dead?” I said “Anyone living.”

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.

Tears: Remorse code.

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

If I repeatedly stab my cornflakes does that make me a cereal killer?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

What's the opposite of opposite?

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Reoriented: Sent back to China.

Electrocardiograph: Ticker tape.

Familiarity breeds attempt.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Sewing Circle: A group of women who needle each other.

The Houston Astros play in a vast indoor stadium known as the Astrodome, but the problem is they field a half-vast team.

American baseball player

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers Society of, The?

(1929 – 2009) British novelist, newspaper columnist & television writer

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The baby wakes up in the wee wee hours of the morning.

The Animal Rescue Site