Subject: Communication » Wordplay

Good girls go to heaven; bad girls go everywhere else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Gigolo: A fee-male.

I drink therefore I am.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her… hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”

Some hospitals are so crowded that the only way you can get in is by accident.

I'm still an atheist, thank God.

(1900 – 1983) Spanish filmmaker

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Antibody: Against everyone.

I am his awfully-wedded wife.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

There’s nothing to fear but life itself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Pushing fifty is exercise enough

Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Snoring: Sheet music.

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

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