Subject: Communication » Wordplay (Page 5)

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

I always say beauty is only sin deep.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

I sink, therefore I swam.

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

The perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian

Theodore Dreiser should ought to write nicer.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

I’m not worried about the Third World War… that’s the Third World’s problem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

If these walls could talk, they'd probably say, "No! Not the nails again! Not the hammer!

Sad news, apparently the Michelin Man has retired.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

People say I’m a plagiarist… their word, not mine.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Castration: A eunuch experience.

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers Society of, The?

(1929 – 2009) British novelist, newspaper columnist & television writer

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression… what a sad state of affairs.


Nothing risqué nothing gained!

(1933 – 1967) American actress, entertainer & Hollywood sex symbol