Subject: Conflict

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.

(1955 – ) Mexican-American comedian & actor

You’ll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old’s cold dead hands.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

I’m not a fighter, I’m a bleeder.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

When the Iraq war started … little did George Bush know.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

He has committed every crime that does not require courage.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate; and I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.

(1828 – 1885) French novelist, publicist & journalist

Last week North Korea publicly admitted for the first time it has nuclear weapons; the Bush administration has so far shown very little concern, as the North Korean missiles are believed only capable of reaching the Blue States.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

(1956 – ) American comedian

The perferator of the crime was apprehended by the police.

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85; that’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer

The best armor is to keep out of range.

Most people assume the fights are going to be the left versus the right, but it always is the reasonable versus the jerks.

(1966 – ) entrepreneur, founder of Wikipedia

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I thoroughly disapprove of duels; if a man would challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer