Subject: Conflict

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

(1915 – 1994) American actor

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Insider trading: Stealing too fast.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Kill: To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they're loaded or not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.

Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

There is no doubt in my mind when history was written, the final page will say: Victory was achieved by the United States of America for the good of the world.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone.

(1899 – 1947) American gangster

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong – or absolutely right.

(1863 – 1923) French playwright

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool.

(1831 – 1902) journalist & newspaper editor

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
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