Subject: Conflict

L.A. is very dangerous; I carry a gun in my car, that way, in case the police stop me, I can fend them off until the press gets there.

American actor & writer

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool.

(1831 – 1902) journalist & newspaper editor

The real trouble with war (modern war) is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people.

(1885 – 1972) expatriate American poet & critic

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

I’m really a timid person – I was beaten up by Quakers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.

(1955 – ) Mexican-American comedian & actor

You can fight and all of you will die, or you can surrender in which case only most of you will die.

(1967 – ) English actor

I will personally challenge anyone who wants to get rid of fighting to a fight.

American-Canadian hockey executive

Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

People don’t start wars, governments do.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

As through this world I've wandered I've seen lots of funny men; some will rob you with a six-gun, and some with a fountain pen.

(1912 – 1967) American singer-songwriter & folk musician

God invented football so grown men would have something to do between wars.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.


When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian

All humor is based on hostility – that’s why World War II was funny.

(1927 – ) playwright & screenwriter

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

In a war of ideas it is people who get killed.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist

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