Subject: Conflict » Crime (Page 2)

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

What is robbing a bank compared with founding a bank?

(1898 – 1956) German poet, playwright & theater director

Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ‘30s – as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway and he said, “I don’t know, no one has ever made it.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If crime went down 100%, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be.

American politician

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

Army recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That’s robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.

Ziskey: Never convicted.

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer

Convict: The only person who likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence.

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements… or, as the White House calls it, a press conference.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

Woman Charged With Stealing Underwear, Cheese

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.


(1799 – 1850) French novelist & playwright

One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer

It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool.

(1831 – 1902) journalist & newspaper editor