Subject: Conflict » Crime (Page 2)

What is robbing a bank compared with founding a bank?

(1898 – 1956) German poet, playwright & theater director

Murder is a crime – describing murder is not; sex is not a crime – describing sex is.

(1917 – 1999) American sexologist

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Shoplifter Who Soiled Clothes Fails to Wipe Record Clean

Insider trading: Stealing too fast.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

(1915 – 1994) American actor

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

He has committed every crime that does not require courage.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards because the thief spends less than she does.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Only the winners decide what were war crimes.

(1934 – ) American author, journalist & historian

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Woman Charged With Stealing Underwear, Cheese

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway and he said, “I don’t know, no one has ever made it.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor