Subject: Conflict » Crime (Page 3)

Murder is a crime – describing murder is not; sex is not a crime – describing sex is.

(1917 – 1999) American sexologist

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ‘30s – as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

Army recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That’s robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.

Ziskey: Never convicted.

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that its against the law.

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool.

(1831 – 1902) journalist & newspaper editor

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If crime went down 100%, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be.

American politician

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements… or, as the White House calls it, a press conference.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

I got up the other day and everything in my apartment was stolen and replaced with an exact replica.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

(1973 – ) American comedian

The scariest guy in prison is the white guy… because he's guilty.

American comedian

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.

(1921 – 1999) American writer (The Godfather)

My luck is getting worse and worse.. last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

To avoid robbery, certainly rock the rocker room and keep the rocker key with you all the time. Also, we will not take any responsibility for the robbery.