Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Conflict
(Page 12)
To avoid robbery, certainly rock the rocker room and keep the rocker key with you all the time. Also, we will not take any responsibility for the robbery.
Sign
Crime
Signs
Translations
At a Japanese hotel
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time… most unsolved.
Johnny Carson
(1925 – 2005) television host
Conflict
New York City
Places
Crime
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.
Elayne Boosler
(1952 – ) comedian
Eating
Men
People
Shopping
War
Women
Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Crime
Government
Law
People
Locks
Thieves
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
William Clayton
Conflict
Intelligence
Killing
People
Stupidity
Surprise
The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.
Greg Giraldo
(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Communication
Conflict
War
George W. Bush
Iran
Spelling
We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in 'Red Storm Rising.'
Dan Quayle
(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Arms
Books
Communication
Reading/Writing
Things
Anti-satellite weapons
Fiction
It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.
The Cop’s Law
Conflict
Crime
Death
Government
Law
Murphy’s Laws
Natalie Chapman)
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Conflict
Crime
Places
Neighborhood
Go to L.A. – they got gangbangers that will stab you, and then go to the corner and wait for the light to turn green.
Dwayne Perkins
American stand-up comedian
Conflict
People
Places
Jaywalking laws
Los Angeles
I don't want to get so famous to where the guy who shoots me becomes famous.
Michael ‘Geechy Guy’ Cathers
(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Conflict
Killing
Success
Celebrity
Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Conflict
Killing
Life
People
Time
Devil
Loved one
Toughest time in life
It's negative to think about blowing each other up.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Conflict
War
The cold war
On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators; on the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Crime
Science/Weather
Sex
Internet
On the dangers of Myspace
They say that guns don't kill people, people kill people, but I think the guns help.
Eddie Izzard
(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Arms
Conflict
Killing
Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.
Edmond About
(1828 – 1885) French novelist, publicist & journalist
Conflict
Life
Marriage
The streets are safe in Philadelphia – it’s only the people who make them unsafe.
Frank Rizzo Sr.
(1920 – 1991) American police officer & mayor of Philadelphia
Conflict
Crime
Misspokements
Places
Philadelphia
God invented football so grown men would have something to do between wars.
Dan Jenkins
(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Conflict
Football
Sports
War
The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Crime
Honesty
Places
World
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
Roseanne Barr
(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Clothing
Conflict
Government
Military
War
Homosexuals
When I see the Ten Most Wanted lists, I always have this thought: If we'd made them feel wanted earlier, they wouldn't be wanted now.
Eddie Cantor
(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Conflict
Crime
Most Wanted lists
Page 12 of 17
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