Subject: Conflict (Page 2)

True friends stab you in the front.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

You can fight and all of you will die, or you can surrender in which case only most of you will die.

(1967 – ) English actor

It's negative to think about blowing each other up.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

Last week North Korea publicly admitted for the first time it has nuclear weapons; the Bush administration has so far shown very little concern, as the North Korean missiles are believed only capable of reaching the Blue States.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.

He scored hockey by the number of fights. If you lost seven to one, but won five fights, he figured you won the game.

Canadian businessman, sportsman & owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs

I would never hit a woman – even if she had a knife or a stutter.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it’s best to let him run.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

actor, writer & editor

I haven't committed a crime; what I did was fail to comply with the law.

(1927 – ) American mayor (New York City)

Alcohol killed my first wife… I got home drunk one night and shot her.

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Murder is a crime – describing murder is not; sex is not a crime – describing sex is.

(1917 – 1999) American sexologist

If you are going to have a fight with a visiting club, be sure to insult them the day they come to town, and not the last day of the series. It pays off better.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

In New York every rainbow has an empty pot of gold at the end with a chalk outline of a dead leprechaun.

American radio and television personality, comedian & speaker

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.


(1799 – 1850) French novelist & playwright

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer