Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Conflict
(Page 2)
True friends stab you in the front.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Conflict
Friends
Old
People
You can fight and all of you will die, or you can surrender in which case only
most
of you will die.
Tom Hollander
(1967 – ) English actor
Fights
TV/Movie Quotes
As Lord Cutler Beckett
It's negative to think about blowing each other up.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Conflict
War
The cold war
Last week North Korea publicly admitted for the first time it has nuclear weapons; the Bush administration has so far shown very little concern, as the North Korean missiles are believed only capable of reaching the Blue States.
Jon Stewart
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Conflict
Blue states
George W. Bush
On North Korea's nuclear weapons program
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict
Fights
It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.
The Cop’s Law
Conflict
Crime
Death
Government
Law
Murphy’s Laws
Natalie Chapman)
He scored hockey by the number of fights. If you lost seven to one, but won five fights, he figured you won the game.
Conn Smythe
Canadian businessman, sportsman & owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs
Conflict
Fights
Hockey
Sports
Of ‘King’ Clancy
I would never hit a woman – even if she had a knife or a stutter.
Anthony Jeselnik
(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Conflict
When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it’s best to let him run.
Abraham Lincoln
(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals
Conflict
Elephants
Leg
Shoplifting: Free enterprise.
Anonymous
Conflict
Crime
Definitions
Shoplifting
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Dave Edison
actor, writer & editor
Accidents
Problems
War
Helmets
Kamikaze pilots
I haven't committed a crime; what I did was fail to comply with the law.
David Dinkins
(1927 – ) American mayor (New York City)
Crime
Misspokements
On accusations that he failed to pay taxes
Alcohol killed my first wife… I got home drunk one night and shot her.
‘Jethro’ Geoffrey Rowe
(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Alcohol
Conflict
Death
Food/Drink
Killing
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics
Men
People
War
Bikini wax
Bravery
Murder is a crime – describing murder is not; sex is not a crime – describing sex is.
Gershon Legman
(1917 – 1999) American sexologist
Communication
Conflict
Crime
Language
Reading/Writing
Murder
If you are going to have a fight with a visiting club, be sure to insult them the day they come to town, and not the last day of the series. It pays off better.
Bill Veeck
(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball
Conflict
Fights
Sports
Attendance
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Anonymous
Arms
Situations
Things
Sword
[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict
Fights
TV/Movie Quotes
As Allan Felix From “Play It Again Sam”
In New York every rainbow has an empty pot of gold at the end with a chalk outline of a dead leprechaun.
Bob Sarlatte
American radio and television personality, comedian & speaker
Crime
New York City
Places
Leprechauns
Pot of gold
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Honoré de Balzac
(1799 – 1850) French novelist & playwright
Crime
Money
Wealth
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol
Conflict
Food/Drink
Killing
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