Subject: Conflict (Page 2)

To avoid robbery, certainly rock the rocker room and keep the rocker key with you all the time. Also, we will not take any responsibility for the robbery.

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion

Insider trading: Stealing too fast.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

The best armor is to keep out of range.

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

(c. 620 – 564 BC) Greek slave and author of over 600 fables

God is usually on the side of the big squadrons against the small.

(1618 – 1693) French memoirist

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife’s brother.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist

I don't want to get so famous to where the guy who shoots me becomes famous.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian

It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first thing you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.

(1885 – 1945) U.S. Army general

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

How is it possible to have a civil war?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

My wife and I had words – but I never got to use mine.

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president