Subject: Conflict (Page 2)

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

Arms Government Military Murphy’s Laws

There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that its against the law.

Crime Place Names

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Things

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict Eating Fights Food/Drink Life Success

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Individuals Killing People

As through this world I've wandered I've seen lots of funny men; some will rob you with a six-gun, and some with a fountain pen.

(1912 – 1967) American singer-songwriter & folk musician
Communication Conflict Crime Reading/Writing

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

She changes prices. I caught her in a near misdemeanus.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Crime Misspokements

At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?'… 'Oh, honey – that's up to Mommy, isn't it?'

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Conflict Killing Marriage Wives

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.


(1799 – 1850) French novelist & playwright
Crime Money Wealth

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Crime Government Law Lawyers

You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Conflict Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a handgun than a packet of cigarettes.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
America Arms Situations Things

I would never hit a woman – even if she had a knife or a stutter.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Conflict

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Killing

Kill: To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions Killing

Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Arms Conflict Entertainment Film

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict Fights

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Conflict Fights Situations

Rugby League is war without the frills.

Conflict Sports