Subject: Conflict (Page 3)

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

I got up the other day and everything in my apartment was stolen and replaced with an exact replica.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Black folk ain't going to kill over and over and over again; that's too much like work; that's a career.

(1963 – ) American comedian

Alcohol killed my first wife… I got home drunk one night and shot her.

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Desert combat?… I can't even stand the walk back from the beach to the car.

comedian, television host & actor

I got a cousin who's a psychotic with low self-esteem; he only wants to assassinate the vice president.

television writer, producer & director

I don’t worry about terrorism… I was married for two years.

(1953 – 1992) American comedian

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

Truce: Friendship.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.

The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it’s best to let him run.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

Someone once told me that every minute a murder occurs, so I don’t want to waste your time, I know you want to go back to work.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The scariest guy in prison is the white guy… because he's guilty.

American comedian

Prisoner serving 2,000-year sentence could face more time

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