Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Conflict
(Page 4)
Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Conflict
Killing
Life
People
Time
Devil
Loved one
Toughest time in life
I’m not a fighter; I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Autos
Conflict
Fights
Things
I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway and he said, “I don’t know, no one has ever made it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Conflict
Crime
Police
Subway
America never lost a war or won a peace conference.
Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer
(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
America
Conflict
Places
War
Peace conferences
Buying my wife a gun is sort of like me saying, 'You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise.'
Marc Maron
(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
Arms
Conflict
Killing
Situations
Gun
Suicide
Surprises
When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Conflict
Government
War
Missles
I really wish ISIS would stop playing violent video games and listening to Marilyn Manson.
Eric Lampaert
European comedian & actor
Conflict
People
War
ISIS
Kill: To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death
Definitions
Killing
Successor
Vacancy
At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.
Gavin de Becker
(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author
Characteristics
Emotions
Killing
Laughter
Men
People
Women
My luck is getting worse and worse.. last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict
Crime
Luck
Mugged
Quakers
I do have some sad news to report: Bjork could not be here; she was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her.
Jon Stewart
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Conflict
at the Academy Awards
Dick Cheney
Shooting
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
Spanish proverb
Marriage
Proverbs
War
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict
Fights
Tobacco
All I know is, finally I get to kill somebody.
Conrad Dunn
American actor
Conflict
Killing
TV/Movie Quotes
As Francis ‘Psycho’ Soyer in “Stripes”
'Bush and Son: Leading America to War Since 1990.'
Laura Kightlinger
(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
America
Conflict
War
Family business
Presidents Bush
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics
Men
People
War
Bikini wax
Bravery
We know how much fans enjoy a good brawl, so we are going to guarantee a fight. If there is not a single five-minute fighting major given to a player, every fan in attendance will receive a free ticket to the following home game.
Houston Aeros Website
Conflict
Fights
Hockey
Sports
Promoting fighting on the ice
If it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting dirty for.
Bert's Bulwark
Conflict
Fights
Murphy’s Laws
It's possible to disagree with someone about the ethics of non-violence without wanting to kick his face in.
Christopher Hampton
(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director
Conflict
Fights
Disagree
Non-violence
Those who hammer their guns into ploughs will plough for those who do not.
Thomas Jefferson
(1743 – 1826) American Founding Father & 3rd U.S. president
Arms
Conflict
Freedom
How is it possible to have a
civil
war?
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict
War
Wordplay
Civility
Page 4 of 17
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