Subject: Conflict (Page 4)

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Going to war over religion, is basically just killing people in an argument over who has the better imaginary friend.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the states, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I got up the other day and everything in my apartment was stolen and replaced with an exact replica.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing; it's called the stock market.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

I've had 117 fights and that's the first time I've ever won.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder

The first thing we do, let’s kill the lawyers.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet

Peace: Co-existence or no no existence.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ‘30s… as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% change of getting away with it.

American comedian & writer

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it'll be much harder to detect.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The Falklands incident was a quarrel between two bald men over a comb.

(1899 – 1986) Argentine writer, essayist, poet & translator

I saved a girl from being attacked last night… I controlled myself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

I’m really a timid person – I was beaten up by Quakers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Tracers work BOTH ways.

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Help children living with autism with one click. The Autism Site