Subject: Conflict (Page 5)

You break into my house… my wife will shoot you, and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

In a war of ideas it is people who get killed.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist

We know how much fans enjoy a good brawl, so we are going to guarantee a fight. If there is not a single five-minute fighting major given to a player, every fan in attendance will receive a free ticket to the following home game.

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it’s best to let him run.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

Murderers – stop murdering; everyone will die eventually… just sit down and be patient.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Those who hammer their guns into ploughs will plough for those who do not.

(1743 – 1826) American Founding Father & 3rd U.S. president

I saved a girl from being attacked last night… I controlled myself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General

Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.

(1890 – 1970) American engineer

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor

People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

If you are going to have a fight with a visiting club, be sure to insult them the day they come to town, and not the last day of the series. It pays off better.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Only the winners decide what were war crimes.

(1934 – ) American author, journalist & historian













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