Subject: Conflict (Page 6)

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

(c. 620 – 564 BC) Greek slave and author of over 600 fables
Conflict Government Politicians

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Conflict Killing Men People Women

I’m not a fighter, I’m a bleeder.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Self

It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Conflict Fights

I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife’s brother.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Conflict Family War

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms Conflict Things

Murderers – stop murdering; everyone will die eventually… just sit down and be patient.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Death Killing

Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

(1915 – 1994) American actor
Conflict Crime

Mugger: A benevolent citizen of the streets who frequently spares the lives of total strangers in exchange for any cash and valuables in their possession.

Crime Definitions

Gun-free zones kill people

Arms Conflict Headlines

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Crime Situations

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Cats Conflict Fights

I haven’t heard the president state that we’re at war… that’s why I too am not knowing… do we use the term intervention?… do we use war?… do we use squirmish?… what is it?

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Conflict Misspokements

The Middle Eastern states aren’t nations, they’re quarrels with borders.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Conflict Fights Places

Peace: Co-existence or no no existence.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Conflict War

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements… or, as the White House calls it, a press conference.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Crime Government Law

In a fight between you and the world, back the world.

(1883 – 1924) Czech writer
Conflict Situations

I saved a girl from being attacked last night… I controlled myself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Conflict Crime

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Conflict God War

A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they're loaded or not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Arms Beliefs Opinion Things