Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Conflict
(Page 7)
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Individuals
Killing
People
Hostage situation
Multiple personalities
He scored hockey by the number of fights. If you lost seven to one, but won five fights, he figured you won the game.
Conn Smythe
Canadian businessman, sportsman & owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs
Conflict
Fights
Hockey
Sports
Of ‘King’ Clancy
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol
Conflict
Food/Drink
Killing
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Murphy's Laws of Combat Operations
Murphy’s Laws
War
Friendly fire
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Honoré de Balzac
(1799 – 1850) French novelist & playwright
Crime
Money
Wealth
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
Mario Puzo
(1921 – 1999) American writer (The Godfather)
Conflict
Crime
Lawyers
You might be a redneck if… you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict
Fights
People
Rednecks
Yard sales
Gun-free zones kill people
Headline
Arms
Conflict
Headlines
Guns
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate; and I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.
Conflict
War
I do have some sad news to report: Bjork could not be here; she was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her.
Jon Stewart
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Conflict
at the Academy Awards
Dick Cheney
Shooting
I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq; after all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!
Jay Leno
(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Conflict
Places
War
France
Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.
Rick Bayan
Anonymous
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime
Definitions
Looting
My wife and I had words – but I never got to use mine.
Carl Gilligan
Conflict
Marriage
Wives
Arguments
I don’t worry about terrorism… I was married for two years.
Sam Kinison
(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Conflict
Marriage
Terrorism
Murderers – stop murdering; everyone will die eventually… just sit down and be patient.
Russell Brand
(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Conflict
Death
Killing
The Middle Eastern states aren’t nations, they’re quarrels with borders.
P.J. O'Rourke
(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Conflict
Fights
Places
Middle East
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
A Murphy's Military Law
Arms
Military
Money
Murphy’s Laws
Tracers work BOTH ways.
A Murphy's Military Law
Arms
Military
Murphy’s Laws
Tracers
At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.
Gavin de Becker
(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author
Characteristics
Emotions
Killing
Laughter
Men
People
Women
We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.
Anonymous
Conflict
Killing
I was once arrested for resisting arrest.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict
Arrested
Page 7 of 17
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