Subject: Death

Live each day as if it were your last… because one day, you’ll be right.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.

(1859 – 1927) English writer

I am dying. Please… bring me a toothpick.

(1873 – 1907) French writer

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Surprise me!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

Ah, well… we live and learn, or, anyway, we live.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic

I have to set my pillows one more night… when will this end already?

(1783 – 1859) American author, essayist, biographer & historian

Go away. I'm all right.

(1866 – 1946) English author

Why not? After all, it belongs to him.

(1889 – 1977) English comedian, actor & film director

This is on me.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Who is it? Who is it?

(1859 – 1881) American frontier gunman

When I die, I hope to go to heaven… whatever the hell that is.

(1905 – 982) Russian-American novelist, philosopher, playwright & screenwriter

Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.

(1836 – 1887) German born anarchist & labor union activist

Time: That which man is always trying to kill, but which ends in killing him.

(1820 – 1903) English philosopher

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

He died of cirrhosis of the liver… it costs money to die of cirrhosis of the liver.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

Okay, I won’t.

(1935 – 1977) American singer

The great thing about the dead, they make space.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
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