Subject: Death

When people bury other people, they should be damn certain that’s where they want them to be.

Errol Flynn died on a 70-foot boat with a 17-year-old girl; Walter has always wanted to go that way, but he's going to settle for a 17-footer with a 70-year-old.

(1916– 2005) American wife of Walter Cronkite

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

It must have been the coffee.

(1917 – 1979) Japanese-American actor

And now, I am officially dead.

(1822 – 1903) American teacher, lawyer, iron manufacturer & politician

Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie; “Come on ‘long prosperous life!’”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor

Why not? After all, it belongs to him.

(1889 – 1977) English comedian, actor & film director

Pardon me, sir. I did not do it on purpose.

(1755 – 1793) Archduchess of Austria & the Queen of France

Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.

(1836 – 1887) German born anarchist & labor union activist

The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, to think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them; golf is more complicated than that.

(1927 – 1998) American professional golfer

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Okay, I won’t.

(1935 – 1977) American singer

Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!

(1867 – 1932) American Broadway impresario

I am just going outside. I may be some time.

(1880 – 1912) English Antarctic explorer

A bird in the hand is dead.

Dying is no big deal, living is the trick.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter

Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who has already left.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator

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