Subject: Death

Boy, fetch my fiddle.

(1671 – 1734) Scottish folk hero

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

I asked my doctor how many more years I have left and he said, 'You're too ornery to die.'

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder

Give me immortality or death.

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

I am starting to believe you are not intending to count me amongst your friends.

(1879 – 1936) Spanish comic playwright

No! I didn't come here to make a speech. I came here to die.

Cherokee Bill (1876 – 1896) American convicted murderer & outlaw

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.

(1899 – 1957) film actor

Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer

I believe in reincarnation, so I’ve left all my money to myself.

(1943 – ) English disc jockey

I am going.

(1899 – 1982) King of Swaziland

Usually when someone is given an evening like this, they’re way too dead to say thank you.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark.


Am I dying, or is this my birthday?

(1879 – 1964) British politician

At Last She Sleeps Alone.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

You sons of bitches, give my love to Mother!

(1912 - 1932) American convicted murderer & career criminal

I forgot something.

(1918 – 1967) American founder of the American Nazi Party

Death and taxes are inevitable.

(1796-1865) Canadian politician, judge & author

Drink to me, drink to my health; you know I can’t drink any more.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer