Subject: Death

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die; I would have thought the obvious one was shout for help.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist

My work is done, why wait?

(1854 – 1932) American innovator & founder of Eastman Kodak

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense

You’ve got to execute people; how else are they going to learn?

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

Gentlemen, I bid you farewell.

Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy.”

Luna: So then, what do you believe in?

Miles: Sex and death – two things that come once in a lifetime… but at least after death, you're not nauseous.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Take me home. I was born in the South and I wish to die and be buried in the South.

(1856 – 1915) African-American educator, author & political leader

Oh that press will have me now!

(1809 – 1892) Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Tenant Failed To Give Notice Before Dying

He can be lethal death.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies’ Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral

The best way to get praise is to die.

In the city, a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician

I have a gold watch he [my father] sold to me on his deathbed; I wrote him a check for it… post-dated of course.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist

God will forgive me. It is his profession.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

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