Subject: Death (Page 27)

If my dead father was alive to hear that, it would kill him.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Family Fathers Misspokements Situations Travel

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering… and it’s all over much too soon.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Emotions Life Time

Gents, this is an educational project. You are about to witness the damaging effect electricity has on Wood.

(? – 1963) convicted murderer
Last words

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Time

Oh God, here I go!

(1909–1959) American boxing champion
Last words

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Communication Death

Waldo is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Death Insults

Turn me.  I am roasted on one side.

(c.225 – 258) a deacon & celebrated Roman martyr
Last words

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Death People Time

Why do men die before their wives? … Could it be because they want to?

(1967 – ) English comedian
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

I am off in search of the great perhaps.

(c.1494 – 1553) French Renaissance writer, doctor, monk & Greek scholar
Last words

If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Death Mistakes Problems

There comes a time in every man’s life… and I’ve had many of them.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Communication Death Misspokements Speech Time

Eulogy: Praise that’s too much and too late.

Death Definitions

A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death Doctors Health

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Death Life Men People Time

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Definitions

Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Last words

I’ll be in Hell before you start breakfast! Let her rip!

(1863 – 1901) American cowboy & train robber
Last words