Subject: Death (Page 3)

When I die, I hope to go to heaven… whatever the hell that is.

(1905 – 1982) Russian-American novelist, playwright & philosopher

There are some similarities, of course [between Iraq and Vietnam] – death is terrible.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

Gonna be incrimated… they’re gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

This is on me.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Thank God. I'm tired of being the funniest person in the room.

(1934 – 1999) American actor, improviser, writer & teacher

I'm glad that's over.

(1926 – 1984) English comedian

Gentlemen, I bid you farewell.


If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

Life is pleasant… death is peaceful; it’s the transition that’s troublesome.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor

If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got?

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Suppose, suppose.

(1848 – 1929) American frontier law enforcement officer

My aunt passed away two weeks ago; she was cremated – and we think that's what did it.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

… and now for a final word from our sponsor…

(? – 2000) television writer (Days of Our Lives)

I ain’t afraid to die fat… that’s my pallbearers’ worry.


More weight.

(c.1611 – 1692) a prosperous farmer and church member in early colonial America who died under judicial torture during the Salem witch trials