Subject: Definitions


Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Leftovers: Repast history.

Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Government Deficit: The difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Advice: the smallest current coin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Zeal: A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Luck: An explanation for the other fellows’ success.

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Adolescent: One who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Antique Shop: A junk store that has raised its prices.

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
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