Subject: Definitions

Definitions:

Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Forger: The man who gives a check a bad name.

Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty.

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

Commerce: A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Zoo: A place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,614 times a day.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Character: What you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

Four-letter Word: Par for the coarse.

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

Friend: Someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Florida: God's waiting room.

The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly,’ meaning ‘many,’ and the word ‘ticks,’ meaning ‘blood sucking parasites.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.