Subject: Definitions


Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Accordion: A pleated bagpipe.

Technology: The knack of so arranging the world that we need not experience it.

(1911 – 1991) Swiss playwright & novelist

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Advertising: The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Omen: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Summer camp is where the parents spend a thousand dollars so their daughter can learn to make a fifty-cent potholder.

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Impotence: Emission impossible.

Geologist: Fault finder.

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Epitaph: An inscription which hopes that virtues acquired by death will have a retroactive effect.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
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