Subject: Definitions


Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Self-esteem: An erroneous appraisement.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Tricycle: A tot rod.

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Bore: One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in speech… or perhaps, something else.

Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.

Boxing: A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public.

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Ambidextrous: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Electrocardiograph: Ticker tape.

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Love: The triumph of imagination over intelligence.

The Animal Rescue Site