Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Definitions
Definitions:
Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay
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Middle Age: That period when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth, and his illusions.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Middle age
Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Worry
Window Shopping: Eye browsing.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Shopping
Window Shopping
Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.
Anonymous
Definitions
Inch
Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Mixed Company
Admiral: A general at sea.
Anonymous
Definitions
Military
Admiral
Handkerchief: Cold Storage.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Handkerchief
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Anonymous
Definitions
Committee
Epitaph: An inscription which hopes that virtues acquired by death will have a retroactive effect.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Epitaph
Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.
Anonymous
Definitions
Vacation
Hypochondriac: Someone who enjoys bad health.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Hypochondriacs
An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.
Anonymous
Children
Definitions
Family
Allowance
Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.
Anonymous
Autos
Definitions
Things
Car Pool
Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Alimony
Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals
Cats
Communication
Definitions
Language
Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.
Anonymous
Definitions
Antipathy
Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Doorman
Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Fishing License
Twins: Womb-mates.
Anonymous
Definitions
Twins
To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics
Communication
Definitions
Speech
Positive
Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Work
Consultant
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