Subject: Definitions


Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

Bore: A person who deprives you with solitude without providing company.

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents.

Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Awe: Wow of silence.

Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours.

Paradox: Two physicians.

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Prejudice: A great time-saver that enables one to form opinions without bothering to get the facts.

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Middle Age: That period when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth, and his illusions.

Winter: The time of year when it gets later earlier.

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