Subject: Definitions


Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time.

Parking Space: An unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire hydrant.

Capitol: The seat of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Garage: Something usually built with a house attached.

Average Man: A person who doesn’t want much, and usually gets a little less than that.

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

Jumping At Conclusions: Not half as much exercise as digging for facts.

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.

Presidency: The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Life: A play with a lousy third act.

Clear Conscience: Poor memory.

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Deluxe: Mediocre in a big way.

The Hunger Site