Subject: Definitions (Page 3)

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Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.

Definitions

Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.

Definitions Money Past Time

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

Definitions

Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Honesty

Houseplants: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in speech… or perhaps, something else.

Definitions

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.

Definitions

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Woman: A person who needs a shoe larger on the inside than outside.

Definitions People

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women