Subject: Definitions (Page 3)

Bus: A vehicle that has empty seats when going in the opposite direction.

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Ascribe: Newspaper reporter.

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of conversation when words are superfluous.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.

Diploma: A job-hunting license.

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.