Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Definitions
(Page 4)
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Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Birthday
Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Heart
Mouth
Soul
Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.
Anonymous
Definitions
Shopping
Consumer
Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Old
Centenarian
Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of conversation when words are superfluous.
Oliver Herford
(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions
Kiss
Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.
Anonymous
Definitions
Forger
Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Horses
Riding
Author: A writer with connections in the publishing industry.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Occupations
Work
Author
Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Reckless Driver
Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Antiques
House: Domicile purchased by married couples so they have some place to pour all their money.
Anonymous
Definitions
House
Ideologue: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Beliefs
Definitions
Ideologue
Wagging Tail: A happy ending.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wagging Tail
Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
Anonymous
Children
Definitions
Family
Quiet
Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Cleavage
Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Government
Language
Delegation
Politics
Doughnut: Holey food.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Doughnut
Misconception: A pregnancy occurring while taking birth control pills.
Anonymous
Definitions
Misconception
Pregnancy
Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.
Anonymous
Definitions
Delta
Rivers
State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.
Anonymous
Definitions
State-Of-The-Art
Ignoramus: A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Intelligence
Wisdom
Ignoramus
Page 4 of 78
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