Subject: Education

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

When I was recruited at Auburn, they took me to a strip joint; when I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American basketball coach & executive

I think I’m really learning a lot from my creative writing classes; the entire experience is just indescribable.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

 I want a school my football team can be proud of.

(1905 – 1998) botanist, author & University of Oklahoma president

Thornton Melon: Boy, what a great-looking place. When I used to dream about going to college, this is the way I always pictured it.
Jason Melon: Wait a minute. When did you dream about going to college?
Melon: When I used to fall asleep in high school.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get if you don’t.

(1919 – ) American folk singer

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule.

(1948 – ) American writer & mathematician

If, while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment is glutted.

A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American football coach

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian

The total attention paid to an instructor is a constant regardless of the size of the class.

Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.

Professor: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.

We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

I spent three of the happiest years of my life in the fifth grade.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
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