Subject: Education

Learn to be sincere, even if you have to fake it.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

I never graduated from Iowa. I was only there for two terms – Truman's and Eisenhower's.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor

Money enables a man to get along without an education, and education enables him to get along without money.


They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Learn of the skillful; he that teaches himself, has a fool for his master.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

After I failed my second test, I grabbed my teacher by the front of the shirt and said “Are you ‘trying’ to keep this shit a secret?”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income… which he then spends sending his son to college.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

My recipe for bad grades: don't study.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything one learned in school.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.

(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had… so he sent me to a girls school.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Don’t marry a man to reform him; that’s what reform schools are for.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

“The top half of the students are well-educated, the bottom half receive extra help, but the middle half we are leaving out.”

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