Subject: Education

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease; it made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Education

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Education Occupations Work

If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly.

Education Learning Murphy’s Laws Success

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Education Entertainment Money

Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.

(1818 – 1883) German philosopher, economist, sociologist & socialist
Education Intelligence Sex

In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown; the difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Education School Self

A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Education Fools Intelligence Stupidity

The schoolteacher is certainly underpaid as a child-minder, but ludicrously overpaid as an educator.

(1929 – 1994) English playwright, screenwriter & actor
Education Occupations Work

Teaching wasn’t that bad – except for the kids.

comedian
Children Education

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American football coach
Activities Education Football Misspokements School Sports

“The top half of the students are well-educated, the bottom half receive extra help, but the middle half we are leaving out.”

Education Headlines

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Activities Drugs School

A diploma only proves that you know how to look up an answer.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Education School

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Education Intelligence Money Murphy’s Laws School Stupidity

I was the only black in every class; hard to be absent.

(1969 – ) American comedian & actor
Education

You might be a redneck if… your during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Mothers People Rednecks School

Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.

Definitions Education

You might be a redneck if… your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Fathers People Rednecks School