Subject: Education

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Christ, seven years of college, down the drain.

(1949 – 1982) American comedian, actor & musician

I never could make out what those damned dots meant.

(1911 – 1968) British politician & son of Prime Minister Winston Churchill

“The top half of the students are well-educated, the bottom half receive extra help, but the middle half we are leaving out.”

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If, while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment is glutted.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

The schoolteacher is certainly underpaid as a child-minder, but ludicrously overpaid as an educator.

(1929 – 1994) English playwright, screenwriter & actor

Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.

(1818 – 1883) German philosopher, economist, sociologist & socialist

If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician

A statesman is any politician it’s considered safe to name a school after.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

Learn to be sincere, even if you have to fake it.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts – Do You Want Fries With That?

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

The Literacy Site