Subject: Education

I started wearing glasses, and people started saying I looked smart and I'm like, huh?… I didn't go to Harvard; I went to Lens Crafters.


Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.

If law school is so hard to get through… how come there are so many lawyers?

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

You live and learn… at any rate, you live.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

He is so old… when he was in school they didn’t teach history!

Dad taught me everything I know; unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.

(1962 – ) American race car driver

I have never been jealous; not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule.

(1948 – ) American writer & mathematician

He not only overflowed with learning, but stood in the slop.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman

Our school color was manila.


Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over?… movie day

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an ‘R.’

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me.

(1882 – 1950) American attorney, politician, liberal activist & actor

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease; it made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

(1948 – ) English novelist

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