Subject: Education

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an ‘R.’

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia; not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.


(1919 – 1990) American boxing champion

Dad taught me everything I know; unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.

(1962 – ) American race car driver

Before he died my father told me he never really walked to school without any shoes.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian

Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

The schoolteacher is certainly underpaid as a child-minder, but ludicrously overpaid as an educator.

(1929 – 1994) English playwright, screenwriter & actor

Education: The path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.

Never let your studies interfere with your education.

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

(1803 – 1869) French Romantic composer

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

After I failed my second test, I grabbed my teacher by the front of the shirt and said “Are you ‘trying’ to keep this shit a secret?”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

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