Subject: Education

How is it that little children are so intelligent and men are so stupid? … it must be education that does it.

(1824 – 1895) French writer

Thornton Melon: Boy, what a great-looking place. When I used to dream about going to college, this is the way I always pictured it.
Jason Melon: Wait a minute. When did you dream about going to college?
Melon: When I used to fall asleep in high school.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

How is education going to make me smarter?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.

For every person wishing to teach, there are thirty not wanting to be taught.

(1898 – 1951) Scottish humorist

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician

He reminds me of the kid in fifth grade who reminded the teacher she forgot to give the homework.

writer & comedian

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.

(1930 – ) American baseball player

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist

I never did very well in math – I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn’t meant my answers literally.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

The book or periodical most vital to the completion of your term paper will be missing from the library.

Corollary: If it is available, the most important page will be torn out.

Money enables a man to get along without an education, and education enables him to get along without money.


A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Teaching wasn’t that bad – except for the kids.


We are shut up in schools and college recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bellyful of words and do not know a thing.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

The best classroom of all times was about two car lengths behind Juan Manuel Fangio.

(1929 – ) English race car driver

You might be a redneck if… you refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I am not young enough to know everything.

(1860 – 1937) Scottish author, dramatist (creator of Peter Pan)