Subject: Education (Page 2)

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Education Health Law School

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Education Marriage School

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Education Government Murphy’s Laws Politics

Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers; my opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.


Communication Education Reading/Writing School

Dancing is a wonderful training for girls, it’s the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Activities Dance Education Girls Men People Women

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Definitions Education School

[Caddyshack] was a six-million-dollar scholarship to film school.

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer
Education Entertainment Film

[Coedness] is like a radical agenda forced on college students.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Education Misspokements School Situations

Teaching wasn’t that bad – except for the kids.

comedian
Children Education

A statesman is any politician it’s considered safe to name a school after.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Education Government People School

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education Sex Young

The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Communication Education Language Learning Places

Genitals are a great distraction to scholarship.

(1932 – 2000) English author & academic
Education Learning Sex

You never catch on until after the test.

Education Murphy’s Laws School Understanding

You may be a redneck if you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Education Money People

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

I am not young enough to know everything.

(1860 – 1937) Scottish author, dramatist (creator of Peter Pan)
Age Education Intelligence Young

You might be a redneck if… you refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education People Rednecks School

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education Girls Intelligence School