Subject: Education (Page 3)

I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak.

American basketball player
Education Intelligence Misspokements School

For those eight years Clinton was the president, it was like we had that really cool substitute teacher.

(1977 – ) American comedian
Education Government President

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Education Learning Memory

The hardest thing to do at a community college is cheat on a test because the only people you can cheat off of also go to a community college.

American stand-up comedian
Education School

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology… the study of milkmen.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Education

Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.


Education Learning

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

I took a positive thinking course… it was shit.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Education Learning

When I was at school I was great at history… oh wait, no I wasn't.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Education History Learning Time

When I was recruited at Auburn, they took me to a strip joint; when I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Education School Sports

He reminds me of the kid in fifth grade who reminded the teacher she forgot to give the homework.

writer & comedian
People School

If you were forced to read the book in high school, you’ll probably hate the movie too.

Books Education Film Murphy’s Laws School

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Education School Science/Weather

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Food/Drink School

I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to read Jane Austen, and then I didn’t.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Education Learning

Never let your studies interfere with your education.

Education Learning Murphy’s Laws School

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Education Law Money School

If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Education School Sports

Being in politics is like being a football coach: you have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it’s important.

Education Government Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Politics Sports

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Education Murphy’s Laws Places School

You might be a redneck if… you refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education People Rednecks School