Subject: Emotions

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Money doesn’t buy happiness; but happiness isn’t everything.

(1938 – 1979) American actress

What’s the point of having children if you can’t buy their love?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian; well, they’re not laughing now.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

The good news is that Jesus is coming back; the bad news is that he's really pissed off.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

My love life is like a fairy tale – it's grim.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

Happiness equals reality minus expectations.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”

I know what they're waiting for…(the press) is waiting for (Michelle Obama) to get pissed one night and throw all The President's (stuff) out on the lawn.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

As my mother always says, “If you have to swear to get laughs, then you’re obviously a c**t.”

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor

Love thy neighbor… and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused.

(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author

Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings… and lawyers.

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor

The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host

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