Subject: Emotions

At my age flowers scare me.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector; and just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

(1982 – ) American author

If love were oil, I'd be about a quart low.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Love is blind… but marriage is the real eye-opener.

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian; well, they’re not laughing now.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

Well I don’t see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy.

Love is what happens to a man and woman who don't know each other.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist

The look of love wears a blindfold and smells like the trunk of my car.

(1982 – ) American author

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late.


Love looks through a telescope, envy through a microscope.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

A lot of people don't know it, but onions make me sad!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Worrying about the future is a thing of the past.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

Too much of a good thing… can be wonderful.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Never laugh at your significant other when they're having an orgasm; that is their time to shine.

(1983 – ) American comedian

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers

I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

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