Subject: Emotions

Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can't play football worth a damn.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

Love is blind… but marriage is the real eye-opener.

He was grinning like a butchers dog.

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

(1965 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

Anyone who says, 'You had to be there,' should just not have told you the thing in the first place because it's not funny.

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian

Madder than a barefoot centipede on a hot rock.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

A woman in love can't be reasonable – or she probably wouldn't be in love.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin; it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Wherever you go in the world, you just have to say you’re Canadian and people laugh.

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

(1931 – ) American author & newspaper journalist

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist

As my mother used to say, ‘You’ll get unconditional love from me when you’ve earned it.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian

Don’t split your britches

I’d like to tell you some jokes now, but you’d only laugh.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? … well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.

(1982 – ) American author

Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love… unless you’re single & lonely then it’s called Laundry Day.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor