Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Emotions
(Page 2)
What’s the point of having children if you can’t buy their love?
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Children
Emotions
Family
Love
TV/Movie Quotes
Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down… or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Emotions
Situations
Sleep
Humor
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies as a result.
E.B. White
(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Animals
Emotions
Humor
By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
(469 BC – 399) BC Greek philosopher
Emotions
Happiness
Marriage
Wives
Philosophers
Happiness equals reality minus expectations.
Tom Magliozzi
(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Emotions
Happiness
Men always want to be a woman's first love; women like to be a man's last romance.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Emotions
Love
Men
Women
Romance
I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor
Health
Love
Marriage
Wives
Ambulance
Heart attacks
A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me.
Abraham Lincoln
(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Fear
People
Women
Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions
Love
Sex
Tension
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
Thomas Szasz
(1920 – ) Hungarian writer
Emotions
Laughter
People
Self
Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.
Anonymous
Definitions
Happiness
Intelligence
Philosophy
Men love war because it allows them to look serious… it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.
John Robert Fowles
(1926 – 2005) English novelist & essayist
Conflict
Emotions
Laughter
Men
People
War
Women
Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.
Maria Bamford
(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Age
Children
Emotions
Family
Depression
Love is blind… but marriage is the real eye-opener.
Anonymous
Emotions
Love
Marriage
Blind
Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
Swedish proverb
Emotions
Proverbs
Joy
Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
Karl M. Bowman MD
(1888 – 1973) American pioneer in the study of psychiatry
Emotions
Love
Marriage
I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Rod Schmidt
Appearance
Body
Characteristics
Emotions
Situations
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals
Characteristics
Fear
Snakes
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Robert Heinlein
(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Emotions
Exercise
Love
Sex
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Emotions
Happiness
People
Leaving
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions
Love
Men
People
Women
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