Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Emotions
(Page 5)
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein
(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Emotions
Love
People
Gravitation
It was a very heart-
rendering
story.
Anonymous
Emotions
Malaprops
Heart-rending
Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down… or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Emotions
Situations
Sleep
Humor
My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Emotions
Happiness
Marriage
Time
Wives
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
Kurt Vonnegut
(1922 – 2007) American novelist
America
Emotions
Fear
Government
School
Classmates
Influence
Terror
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it, Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Happiness
Marriage
Admit it
Loving cup
Shut up
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions
Laughter
People
Self
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Anonymous
Emotions
Memory
Past
Nostalgia
Heat produced by pressure expands to fill the mind available, from which it can pass only to a cooler mind.
Mrs. Parkinson's Law
Emotions
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Love will make you move all the way across the country and sell all your shit… just to get away from that person.
Tom Rhodes
(1967 – ) is an American comedian & actor
Emotions
Love
Things
A lot of people don't know it, but onions make me sad!
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Emotions
Food/Drink
Onions
Sadness
In real love you want the other person's good; in romantic love, you want the other person.
Margaret Caroline Anderson
(1886 – 1973) American writer
Emotions
Love
Sex
A lot of people are afraid of heights, but not me… I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Fear
People
Heights
Widths
Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.
Clare Booth Luce
(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician
Emotions
Happiness
Money
Men love war because it allows them to look serious… it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.
John Robert Fowles
(1926 – 2005) English novelist & essayist
Conflict
Emotions
Laughter
Men
People
War
Women
Are you so unobservant that you do not yet realize that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics
Emotions
Happiness
Impossible
Sanity
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions
People
Clowns
Humor
I look like the wrath of grapes.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Appearance
Emotions
Food/Drink
Grapes
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.
Anonymous
Emotions
Love
Money
If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
Tina Fey
(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Emotions
Entertainment
Laughter
Audiences
Writers
Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion.
Ninon de L'Enclos
(1620 – 1705) French author, courtesan & patron of the arts
Emotions
Love
Page 5 of 23
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