Subject: Entertainment

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

She was a singer who had to take every note above A with her eyebrows.

(1877 – 1934) British-American lawyer & writer

In a way, comedy is like sex… the more noise you hear, the better you think you’re doing.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter

My Comedy Channel – Fox News

My News Channel Comedy Central

I am playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

(1926 – 1984) English comedian

If you really want to help the American theater darling, be an audience.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,“Forget everything you know about slipcovers,” so I did, and it was a load off my mind; then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn’t know what the hell they were.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The Complete Law and Order boxed set is now available for only $300; the perfect gift for someone unaware of the existence of USA Network.

American comedian

The number of people who will not go to a show they do not want to see is unlimited.

(1895 – 1960) American lyricist

Television has raised writing to a new low.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anesthetic to the sound of frantic sitar playing, you will have some idea of what popular Turkish music is like.

American author

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

You know you’re getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

Assassins!

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

My father originated the limbo dance… trying to get into a pay toilet.

(1921 – 1995) American comedian & actor

I tell ya, comedy is in my blood; I wish it was in my act.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

There is one thing on earth more terrible than English music, and that is English painting.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet

I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian













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