Subject: Entertainment

His approach to the microphone is that of an accused man pleading with a hostile jury.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer

Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The first time I saw you on stage I realized what a wonderful voice you've got; I think you're so brave not to have had it trained.

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator

Jane Fonda coming back to the screen after a decade-and-a-half absence in Monster-in-Law is like Brando returning from the dead to star in a Police Academy movie.

(1952 – ) American film critic & columnist

I saw a poster for Mission Impossible III the other day. I thought: It’s not impossible if he’s already done it twice.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist

Musicals: a series of catastrophes ending with a floorshow.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are still in the cat.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Australia's gift to insomniacs; it's nothing but the blonde singing the bland.

(1947 – 1979) American singer

I’m always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I’m not going to offend!

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.

(1957 – ) English novelist, essayist & screenwriter

Nowadays Mitchum doesn’t so much act as point his suit at people.

(1946 – ) British journalist & broadcaster

My body has no sexual meaning anymore, so if I can make people laugh with it, at least it's being used.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director

It's ill-becoming for an old broad to sing about how bad she wants it… but occasionally we do.

(1917 – 2010) American singer & actress

Look, it’s my misery that I have to paint this kind of painting, it’s your misery that you have to love it, and the price of the misery is thirteen hundred and fifty dollars.

(1903 – 1970) Russian artist

No… but I have trodden in some.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright

I don’t enjoy playing video golf because there’s nothing to throw.

American professional golfer

They're not understudies, they're overstudies.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

[The First Wives Club] had strong American values: divorce, alcoholism, plastic surgery and revenge.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian

I am thinking it right but beating it wrong.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

The Hunger Site