Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
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Alfred E. Neuman
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My body has no sexual meaning anymore, so if I can make people laugh with it, at least it's being used.
Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director
On doing a nude scene
Acting: A good training for political life; the only problem is the speeches are harder to learn.
(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.
(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
He got a reputation as a great actor by just thinking hard about the next line.
(1894 – 1982) American film director, film producer & screenwriter
About Gary Cooper
All through the five acts of that Shakespearean tragedy he played the King as though under momentary apprehension that someone else was about to play the Ace.
(1850 – 1895) American writer
Television opened up a whole new field of unemployment for him.
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Of John Barrymore
He had delusions of adequacy.
(1913 – 1996) writer & Broadway theater critic
Of an unknown actor
I've made so many movies playing a hooker that they don't pay me in the regular way any more… they leave it on the dresser.
(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author
I used to work for a living, then I became an actor.
(1927 – ) English actor
Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra – and sank.
John Mason Brown
(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author
Apparently the understudy had to go because of her throat; I suppose someone threatened to cut it.
Mrs. Patrick Campbell
(1865-1940) English actress
The first time I saw you on stage I realized what a wonderful voice you've got; I think you're so brave not to have had it trained.
(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator
Of an unknown actor
Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.
Herbert Beerbohm Tree
(1852 – 1917) English actor & theater manager
To a group of actresses assembled to play ladies-in-waiting
Sophia Loren plays peasants; I play ladies.
(1927 – ) Italian actress & photojournalist
If [an actor] says, 'But what's my motivation?… 'I say, 'Your salary.'
(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Barbra’s only spontaneous moment in
Prince of Tides
comes when Nick tosses her a football and she screams “My nails!”
(Paul Rudnick) (1957 – ) Satiric film critic & author
“Prince of Tides”
It is disappointing to report that George Bernard Shaw appearing as George Bernard Shaw is sadly miscast in the part; satirists should be heard and not seen.
Robert E. Sherwood
(1896 – 1955) American playwright
George Bernard Shaw
They say an actor is only as good as his parts; well, my parts have done me pretty well, darling.
(1937 – ) English actress
It's our fault… we should have given him better parts.
Jack L. Warner
(1892 – 1978) Canadian-American film producer (Warner Brothers)
On Ronald Reagan being elected governor of California
Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.
It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie,
… Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.
(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
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