Subject: Entertainment » Music

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist

The secret of my piano playing is that I always make sure that the lid over the keyboard is open before I start to play.

(1882 – 1951) Austrian composer & pianist

Prodigy: A child who plays the piano when he ought to be in bed.

(1893 – 1979) English humorist

Assassins!

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor

The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor

The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

After conducting a concert in a small town, I once received the following note from a farmer who had attended the performance: “Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that the man who played the long thing you pull in and out only did so during the brief periods you were looking at him.”

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor

The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished learning them as when you start.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

If anyone has conducted a Beethoven performance, and then doesn’t have to go to an osteopath, then there’s something wrong.

(1955 – ) English conductor

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to The William Tell Overtureand not think of The Lone Ranger.

(1931 – ) television newscaster

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be… it is what it used to be; that is what's wrong with it.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

Harp: A piano in the nude.

In China, the piano piece ‘Chopsticks’ is known as ‘Knife and Fork.’

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter

In the first movement alone, I took note of six pregnancies and at least four miscarriages.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor

Berlioz composes by splashing his pen over the manuscript and leaving the issue to chance.

(1810 – 1849) Polish composer & virtuoso pianist

The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor

I want to be a diva… like people-totally-respect-my-music diva, not diva like carry-my-Diet-Coke-around.

(1980 – ) American singer

Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Why do you always insist on playing while I’m trying to conduct?

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Play us a medley of your hit.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
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