Subject: Entertainment » Music

Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it, approximately.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Jazz: Music invented for the torture of imbeciles.

(1852 – 1933) author, educator & clergyman

The opera is like a husband with a foreign title – expensive to support, hard to understand and therefore a supreme social challenge.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist

Prodigy: A child who plays the piano when he ought to be in bed.

(1893 – 1979) English humorist

The New Kids on the Block lip-syncing – who gives a damn?… that's like finding out the Muppets didn't sing their own music.

comedian, television writer

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I hate music, especially when it's played.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor

After seeing the opera Tosca, Yogi remarked, “I really liked it, even the music was nice”

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.

(1957 – ) English novelist, essayist & screenwriter

He hasn't just lost the plot, he's lost the whole library!

I played a blank tape on full volume; the mime who lives next door complained.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

I opened the door for a lot of people, and they just ran through and left me holding the knob.

(1928 – 2008) American singer, songwriter & rock and roll pioneer

I play the harmonica, but only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Why do you always insist on playing while I’m trying to conduct?

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist

Accordian: An instrument inharmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

You might be a redneck if… the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I only know two tunes: one of them is “Yankee Doodle” and the other isn’t.

(1822 – 1885) 18th U.S. president & army general

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are still in the cat.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent; they kicked me out for pan-handling.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

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